


this is first night

by SalomeWeil



Series: holiday season [4]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff, Hanukkah, Holidays, Jewish Character, Jewish Holidays, Menorah, Wine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-29
Updated: 2017-11-29
Packaged: 2019-02-08 10:30:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12862644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SalomeWeil/pseuds/SalomeWeil
Summary: Kylo finds himself unexpectedly spending the first night of Hanukkah with Rey and her friends, and learns something in the process. Will this tender new relationship continue to flourish throughout the holiday season, or will the weight of mutual secrets become too much?





	this is first night

**Author's Note:**

> Please read the tags. If Judaism, Jewish people, or Jewish holidays are a turn off for you, get out now. Seriously, there's no room for antisemitism here. Also, if you have a problem with interfaith relationships, or think that the viewpoints of these characters represent cultural appropriation somehow, again, get out. I'm not a fan of intolerance or ignorance. 
> 
> That said, here's a brief lesson: Hanukkah is not the biggest of the big Jewish holidays, but it is a sweet, family-oriented one. It's also the one that falls during the winter holiday season and is all about lighting up the dark. If you have a problem with the way I've used it here, you are welcome to message me. I held off posting this one for a little while because I was worried about its reception, but I decided to not worry about it anymore. It is what it is and Hanukkah is a wonderful holiday. I hope you enjoy. Additionally, the spelling I've used here, Hanukkah, is correct. Chanukah is also correct. So is Hanukah . There is no singular romanization of Hebrew characters. THE MORE YOU KNOW.

Kylo had just settled his long, sturdy frame on the couch next to Rey when there was a knock on his apartment door. He groaned and shifted further into the couch cushions in protest. Rey wriggled out from under his arm and glanced over his shoulder, back at the entryway. 

 

“Aren’t you going to get that?” she asked, looking at him bemusedly. 

 

“No,” he half-growled and tucked her under his arm again. She wriggled some more. 

 

“Can I get it for you?”

 

“Rey, it could be a homicidal maniac and besides, this is the first time in over a week we’ve had a chance to spend time together. I thought you liked me?” he wheedled, casting his best puppy dog eyes at her. 

 

Rey nearly caved, but then the knock sounded again, followed by someone indistinctly calling through the door at Kylo. She got up. 

 

“I’ll only be a moment,” she said when he groaned again and, patting his head lightly, she walked around the couch toward the door. She was almost to the entryway when there was a dark blur and Rey realized Kylo had leapt over the back of the couch to race past her and answer the door. She rolled her eyes and Kylo looked back at her, one hand on the door knob. 

 

“Go sit down. You’re my guest.”

 

He would’ve sounded an awful lot like a gentleman if he hadn’t accompanied those words with a wolfish grin. Rey tried not to laugh and just shrugged at him as if to say, suit yourself, but she walked over to the kitchen instead of going back to the couch. She couldn’t help being a little nosy, after all. Her relationship - gods, if she could even call it that - with Kylo was so new and she was so unused to feeling like she had a stake in things that every little thing that took away from their time together seemed to cause an irrational flare of jealousy in her. 

 

She thought she could see the same sort of behavior from him, if their evenings that had been interrupted by her work and her friends alike were anything to judge by. But they each handled those flare ups very differently. He seemed to grow almost clingy in a frigid sort of way, whereas she hesitantly took up space in the corners, anxiously waiting to hear that she had to leave, or he had to leave, or wouldn’t it be best if they were just friends, anyway? 

 

Shaking her head a little, Rey retrieved her glass of wine from his kitchen counter and turned to watch was Kylo opened the door. Her hunched shoulders relaxed a little as she saw who was on the other side. 

 

“Phasma. What are you- can I help you?” Kylo asked, switching sentences mid-stream as the stately blonde pushed past him into the apartment.

 

The older woman looked frazzled, for the first time since Rey had met her a little over a month ago. 

 

“I knew you were there,” Phasma said, almost to herself. “Kylo, I need your help. It’s Armie -” She stopped short as she saw Rey standing in the kitchen, looking out at her. Her eyes went back and forth between Kylo and Rey for a moment and she flushed a pretty shade of pink.

 

“Oh, God. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

 

Rey immediately felt sorry for her. “You’re not,” she hurried to reassure the woman, over Kylo’s begun “Well, actually…”  She smiled as brightly as she could at both of them and ignored the look of betrayal Kylo was sending her way.  “Can I pour you a glass of wine?”

 

Phasma glanced between the two of them again and a sort of smugly fond expression came over her face. “That would be lovely. Thank you, Rey.”

 

Rey nodded and felt herself starting to blush, so busied herself at the cupboards, pulling out an extra glass and unstopping the bottle that stood on the counter. Her being busy didn’t keep her from overhearing Phasma’s poorly pitched whispers to Kylo, however.

 

“Look at her, hostessing for you already. It’s serious, then?”

 

“I’m not going to deck you for that because you’re a woman and it might frighten Rey.”

 

“And you’re trying very, very hard not to frighten her off, are you?”

 

“I’d just like to be given the chance to keep getting to know her. You should try it.”

 

“What, get to know her? In the biblical sense or the ‘we’re just friends’ nonsense you’ve been spouting to everyone who asks?”

 

Kylo obviously ignored her last spar. “You do have a lot in common.”

 

“What, in that we both speak the Queen’s English? Yes, because that makes for instant connection in this piss-poor nation.”

 

“No, in that you both know how to be a ball-buster.”

 

Rey was thankful her back was turned to them, because she felt her face heating up again in utter embarrassment. Was that really what Kylo thought of her? And was he really only after one thing? She didn’t think she’d misjudged him that badly...a second later, Phasma snorted and went on to allay her fears.

“In her case, I doubt it’s on purpose. You’re just completely inept. Besides, we all know you’re completely mad about the little mouse.” Phasma raised her voice some. “And that brings me to why I’m here. 

 

“Relationship advice?” Kylo asked disbelievingly.

 

“Yes. About Armie.”

 

“What about Hux?”

 

“Here’s your wine,” Rey interrupted, holding out the glass of pinot noir.

 

“Oo, a dark red. Perhaps we do have plenty in common,” Phasma remarked, winking at Rey as she took a first sip.

 

Rey pursed her lips in a small smile and then walked out of the kitchen and past them, back over to the small living area. Phasma and Kylo followed. 

 

Phasma didn’t bother waiting until they were all settled to begin dissecting her problem, but it didn’t stop Kylo from settling an arm back around Rey’s shoulders as he rejoined her on the couch. She glanced up at him, a little surprised, and almost shyly. After the back-and-forth she’d overheard between him and Phasma, she’d been ready to assume the worst. An arm around her shoulders was almost enough to reassure her. The intense glance he gave her as she stared up at him did even more to bring her back from the edge of doubt. 

 

Twiddling her fingers around the stem of her wine glass, Rey only half-listened to Phasma detailing the issue she was having with Hux, so it came as a surprise when Kylo gave her shoulders a slight squeeze.

 

“You’re the woman here, Rey. Can you give her some perspective?”

 

“Hmm? Oh, um, not really. I’m not very good at all this,” she found herself admitting.

 

Phasma scoffed. “What, relationships?”

 

“I disagree,” Kylo said softly, for her ears only, and Rey shivered. 

 

“What was the problem, again?” she asked, trying to ignore the heat that had settled between her legs.

 

“I asked Armie to take me to the Hanukkah Lighting.”

 

“Oh!” Rey brightened up considerably. “The menorah lighting downtown?”

 

Kylo’s brow furrowed in surprise. “You know it?”

 

“Sure. It’s not far from the hospital. I go to that square for lunch quite often when I’m on day shifts.”

 

Phasma appeared bored with their chit-chat and interrupted. “Anyway, he didn’t seem happy and clearly wanted me to drop it. We’ve never done religious sorts of things together, but I saw he’d gotten a postcard notice about it and I know he grew up Jewish, and I just wanted...”

 

“You mean he is Jewish?” Rey asked gently.

 

“Right, but he doesn’t practice, but you know we’ve been together a while and things are about as serious as I imagine they’ll ever be with him - he’s so anti-establishment -”

 

Rey tried to hide her laugh, as did Kylo. The thought of Hux being anti-establishment was hilarious, but if that’s how Phasma wanted to describe his disinclination toward marriage, neither was about to dissuade her.

 

“At any rate, I just wanted to be included, if it was important to him. After all, he tolerates Christmas with my family, so why not go to synagogue with him, right?”

 

“That depends on the synagogue,” Rey replied, her voice wry. 

 

“Oh, I’m sorry. Are you Jewish? I’m not offending you, am I?” Phasma said, suddenly seeming horrified. 

 

“No, no. Um, you both met Finn and Poe. Well, Finn is Jewish. So I know a little more about the community here than I might otherwise. He’s not very religious, but he does attend semi-regularly.”

 

“Oh.” Phasma smiled. “That’s lovely. It’s a small world, isn’t it? Do you think he knows Armie?” Suddenly changing her line of thought, Phasma turned to Kylo. “Can you shed any light on this? You went to school with him, didn’t you? Hebrew School, or whatever it is? Do you know why it’s a sore spot?”

 

“I went to University with Hux,” Kylo replied smoothly. “Not the same thing at all, Phas. And I couldn’t begin to tell you why it would be a sore spot for him. He was part of a Jewish student association in our first years there because his mother was always very religious and pushed him to make the contacts, but once we graduated and started in the practice together I stopped hearing about it from him…you said there was a postcard? Maybe he’s just on a mailing list -”

 

Kylo stopped short and a slow smile began to spread across his lips before he bit his lower lip, attempting to hide it.

 

Rey gave him a curious look, but turned back to Phasma. “Right. I’m sure that’s all it is.”

 

“Except people don’t save postcards for events they aren’t interested in attending,” Phasma replied. Rey shrugged.

 

“So confront him about it,” she said coolly. “You said it yourself: you two are serious. If you’re serious enough to spend holidays together and practically live together, you’re serious enough to withstand some honest conversation about religious preferences.”

 

Kylo raised his brows. “I thought you said you weren’t good at relationships,” he said and Phasma agreed. 

 

“I’m not,” Rey insisted. “I just have a low tolerance for drama.” She pinned a friendly, yet long-suffering, look on the other woman. “Listen, if it’ll make you feel any better, we can all go together. I usually end up going with Finn and Poe anyway. Just tell him we’re going to be there too.”

 

Kylo didn’t seem to mind being volunteered for the event and Phasma smiled gratefully. 

 

“You’re a doll,” she said. “I’ll do that, thanks.”

 

_____________________________________

  
  


That was how Kylo found himself standing outside at dusk, in the city square near the hospital, a week later. A ten foot hanukkiah stood a few yards away and he was surrounded by nearly a hundred Jews and other visitors as he waited for Rey to come back with the hot cocoa she’d promised him. He had a jelly doughnut in each hand - not that he’d wanted them, but they’d been thrust at him as he’d made his way into the growing crowd - and he was wishing he’d remembered his gloves, because the temperature was definitely dropping quickly. 

 

Finn found him first and Kylo tried to smile, but it felt like maybe his face was frozen. Fortunately, Finn seemed to understand immediately.

 

“Ah, yeah. Sorry, it’s colder than it was last year.”

 

“I wouldn’t know. I don’t stand around outside at night during the winter, usually.”

 

Finn laughed. “What, no caroling, Christmas tree lightings, skating?”

 

“No,” Kylo replied shortly. 

 

“Oo, Rey’s going to be disappointed, then.”

 

Kylo felt his stomach drop. “What do you mean?”

 

“She loves this kind of thing, ever since…” Finn’s voice trailed off and Kylo gave him a curious look. Whatever he’d been about to share, he seemed to rethink it and cleared his throat to continue. Kylo felt disappointed, somehow. He knew there was plenty he still didn’t know about Rey, but if something was important to her, he wanted to know why. 

 

Finn, however, was clearly done sharing, and went on, “I’m not into all the other stuff, of course - Jewish, you know - but Poe is. It’s probably the reason he and Rey get along so well when they first met. They share a childlike joy in the holiday season.”

 

“All things sparkle and kitsch?”

 

“You can say that again,” Finn replied, laughing.

 

“Good to know,” Kylo said. “I’ve never been to this sort of thing before, but I used to do the other stuff with my mom. Mainly because it was a free activity and free publicity. She probably would’ve come to these, too, if she’d thought it would earn her more votes.”

 

“While I can’t fault her for that, it’s also not the best reason to come to the lighting, by far,” Finn replied with a small shake of his head. 

 

“Oh? Are you going to tell me the magical story of Hanukkah now?” Kylo asked, his voice rumbling some with amusement. 

 

“No,” Finn said honestly. “Just keep an open mind. Besides, Rey tells the story much better than I do.”

 

“I do what better than you?” Rey asked as she came back, paper cups of steaming cocoa in both hands. She attempted to hand a cup off to Kylo in order to trade him for a doughnut while she waited on Finn’s reply. He watched them figure out how to juggle the sweet treats without words, and a small smile graced his lips. 

 

“You do lots of things better than me, Hot Lips,” he said after a moment and then laughed as Rey swatted her jelly doughnut at him. “Hey, keep the powdered sugar off my peacoat!”

 

“Keep your horrid nicknames to yourself and I will,” she hissed. Finn lifted his hands, still laughing.

 

“All right, all right. I’m going to go see what’s keeping Poe.”

 

He disappeared in the direction of the refreshment table and Rey and Kylo stood in silence for a few seconds, enjoying the first bites of their doughnuts while the steaming cocoa cooled to a drinkable temperature. Somewhere near the front of the crowd, a couple of young people began strumming guitars and singing in two part harmony. Kylo let his mind drift to holidays past, spent surrounded by strangers; holding the hand of a mother who seemed so sad, but was so determined to be strong every single second; watching large creations light up the night; and listening to music he didn’t quite get, but which soothed him just the same. 

 

“Hey,” Rey said, nudging him in the side with an elbow. He looked down at her.

 

“Hey.”

 

“So, what were you talking about with Finn?”

 

“Oh, uh, Hanukkah. Holiday festivities. Small talk.”

 

“Oh.” Rey nodded and took a hesitant sip of her cocoa. “So, do you know anything about it? Hanukkah, I mean?”

 

“Not much. Eight nights, a miracle with oil, some kind of battle was won...am I close?”

 

Rey laughed. “Sort of. The rededication of the Temple was the most important part, and in order to do that, the Maccabees had to have purified oil for the menorah. When they were finally able to access everything, they only had enough oil to last one day, but instead -”

 

“It lasted eight,” Kylo finished for her. He looked ahead again, at the menorah that rose above the crowd in the square. “It’s a nice story.”

 

“Not as popular as the one about the baby in a stable or the guy in the red suit,” Rey replied.

 

“The Maccabees clearly need a better publicist,” Kylo replied with a smile. “So, what do you like so much about it?”

 

“I don’t know,” Rey said. “I mean, I do, but it’s hard to describe. It doesn’t mean the same thing to me as it does to Finn, since I’m not Jewish.” She was quiet for a moment as the strains of a Rick Recht song soared out of the amplification system up front. “I guess...it’s the community. The celebration of holding onto your traditions, and of rebuilding something that was lost. Of everyone working together to start something new in order to preserve something old. I like that Finn lets me share that with him.”

 

Kylo watched her carefully as she spoke, mesmerized by the dreamy look in her eyes and the way the cold had bitten her cheeks and lips a bright red. He wondered if he’d ever know the story she wasn’t telling him - the one Finn had hinted at, but wouldn’t tell. He cleared his throat as she turned to look at him again.

 

“Also, the candlelight and cocoa?” he asked, teasingly.

 

Rey laughed, then waved at an approaching Finn and Poe. “Yeah. Those, too. I’m a sucker for winter festivities.” She paused and glanced around. “Have Phasma and Hux gotten here yet?”

 

“No - oh, wait, I see them.” Kylo stuck the doughnut in his mouth so he could lift a free hand to wave at the couple. Rey laughed again and reached up, grabbing it from him.

 

“Mrm-hey!” Kylo protested as Rey took a bite out of her prize, accidentally dusting powdered sugar along her nose and chin. “Hold on,” he said and she finished chewing in order to give him a puzzled look. Lifting his now free hand, he gently brushed his thumb across her nose, and then across her chin, wiping the powdered sugar away. Then he leaned forward to give her a chaste kiss. Rey was looking up at him in wonder when he pulled away and he gave her a tender smile. She opened her mouth, about to say something, when Hux and Phasma reached them.

 

“There you are!” Phasma said brightly, looking determinedly cheerful. She had both arms around one of Hux’s and was leaning into him. He looked as if he’d swallowed a tack. Then again, he always looked that way. Kylo smiled at him.

 

“Glad you both made it. I think it’s starting soon.”

 

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Phasma replied firmly. Hux looked around.

 

“Miserable night for it.”

 

“Perfect night for it,” Rey said. “So what if it’s cold? That just means you get to snuggle more.”

 

“I like how you think, Hot Lips,” Finn said as he and Poe returned. “Come on, I want to get closer. There’s warmth in numbers.”

 

“Most sensible thing I’ve heard you say,” Hux said. Finn rolled his eyes and turned to move forward in the crowd, taking Poe with him. Rey looked up at Kylo to see if he wanted to come along and he nodded.

 

“I’ll be there in a moment. Just want to toss my cup.”

 

Phasma gave Hux a kiss on the cheek. “I’m going with them.”

 

The look Hux gave her as she walked away with the other friends was curiously soft...a surprising expression on the red-head’s face. Kylo finished his drink and waited for Hux to say something. 

 

“I’m going to marry her,” he finally murmured.

 

Kylo glanced at him before tossing his cup in the nearby garbage can. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he looked the man over again before speaking.

 

“What a shock.”

 

“Shut up,” Hux grumbled at him.

 

“Have you asked her yet? Or is that what tonight is?”

 

Hux shook his head. “No. Tonight is...me letting her in a little further.”

 

“In other words, your mother wants a Jewish wedding and Jewish grandbabies.”

 

Hux let out a huff of breath. “ _ No _ ,” he said. “I don’t particularly care what my mother wants. But I am Jewish, and my family is Jewish, and Phasma deserves the chance to see that part of me and what my life used to be, and still might be.”

 

Kylo was quiet for a moment, appreciating the ways his friend had matured over the years. 

 

“She does,” he finally confirmed. “And what’s more, she seems to want very much to see and embrace that part of you.”

 

Hux’s shoulders relaxed infinitesimally. “And you?” he asked suddenly. “How much of you has Rey seen?”

 

Kylo bristled. “Enough, for now,” he said and tried to ignore the knowing look Hux gave him. If Rey had only seen the parts of him he wanted her to see, then they were even, because there were definitely parts of Rey she had yet to share with him...judging by Finn’s mysterious remark earlier.

 

“Come on, it’s starting,” Kylo said and clapped a hand on Hux’s shoulder to propel him forward into the crowd, towards their friends...towards their lovers.

 

Beyond them, on a platform next to the hanukkiah, a Rabbi lifted his hands and began giving a prayer. The night came on as the lamps were lit - two shining lights in the darkness, joining the stars above, and the joyfully glowing, upturned faces of the crowd below. Kylo felt Rey reach over and take his hand and give it a gentle squeeze as the prayers and singing continued.

 

He smiled to himself, and squeezed her hand right back.

 

_________________________________

 

…

 

_ In every truth that's told  _

 

_ In every hand we hold  _

 

_ In every newborn soul _

 

_ There's Something _

  
  


_ In every star in the sky  _

 

_ In every sparkling eye  _

 

_ In every thankful sigh _

 

_ There's Something _

 

…

 

-Rick Recht, “Something”


End file.
